....Letter to Alissa.....
During a lengthy period of unproductive communication, Ned realised that Alissa's emotions were not aligned to the requirements necessary for an inclusive relationship. It became apparent a process of understanding along the spectrum of another realm, was necessary; for Alissa to consider another thought pattern. It was therefore a necessary requirement for Ned to leave Alissa, enabling her to consider her emotional attachment with Ned....if there was one.
Ned left Alissa and eventually wrote the following letter for her consideration.
(You may wish to use modified portions of this letter to evoke a solution for your relationship)
If I may, I would like to explain some aspects of life I've learnt during the past year or two. This is, in regard to why, in many ways, you are finding it difficult to comprehend what I have bestowed on you.
By spoiling you during this time and giving you what you wanted to grow, independent of my physical energy influence, you biochemically and psychosomatically adjusted to this content, safe and secure environment. You biologically recalibrated and therefore aligned to a belief that what we had was the relationship. It became unconscious and never brought into question that there was an alternative. Your body and mind became adjusted (chemically) to this phenomenon that translates in this case to an 'emotional detachment'. Emotional detachment in some people is safer than the alternative of being subjected to 'emotional instability' in a relationship. If subjected to instances of 'emotional instability', the individual is unable to cognitively arrange that emotion into positions of clarity to quantitatively process a procedure for understanding themselves within the relationship (the position they find themselves in) and unable to attempt, realistically, to process an adjustment within their lives, outside the relationship, that would make the relationship sustainable. It is therefore safer to be emotional detached than suffer the trauma of emotional instability.
This phenomenon is related to the esoteric knowledge of 'emotional dyslexia' (EDs) whilst the formidable achievement is to reach 'emotional dexterity' (EDx). It is a sliding scale of development (along a spectrum) from EDs towards EDx. EDs' want and need stability and closeness in a relationship but find it difficult to quantitatively process the requirement of EDx in a relationship. So the emotional detachment is the safety mechanism to avoid fragility associated with EDs. It takes the awareness of EDx people to facilitate only proportions of knowledge to EDs people as overload causes emotional spiralling. Such is the fragility of this phenomenon. Invariable many relationships breakdown due to EDs' avoidance of their issues (EDs). It is only by EDs' confronting, and understanding, their EDs where relationships flourish and develop for sustainability.
My recent departure from what you became used to, and confront you, was an aberration for you. (an unwelcome departure from what was normal). "How dare he!" "How selfish of him to think of himself!" "How dare he question!" "He is just thinking of himself!" "I was comfortable in what I had, why is he doing this to me!" "Why is he spoiling everything I felt comfortable about!".......familiar?
And that is what happened when I confronted you to consider us inclusively. Your position was a normal human reaction from the safety I created for you. You did not want a departure from the contentment and security of what was created within you, by me. It was in essence, for you, selfish of me to do something different. But in reality you couldn't see you were avoiding your own issues and quantitatively avoiding the necessities and componets for relationship sustainability - inclusiveness.
The reality now, for sustainability, is for you to understand and change (the way you think about our relationship and understand why)
In essence I have now evoked the catalyst for you to confront your issues for the hopeful benefit of us both. If not, then I have tried.
What you are experiencing from me, is the (present) uncomfortable
It now must change in many ways. It is your turn to understand, and need me in a normal tangible relationship. It is now up to you to do something about it. Your current thoughts and actions are becoming the impetus for the demise of our relationship.
So what is the right approach someone should be taking in this position? What are the components of EDx? How should you be approaching the sustainability aspect of a successful inclusive relationship? The following is a letter you now should be sending me. It is EDx in operational sustainability:
"Hi Ned. I really want you in my life and I want to sort this out quickly so we can see each other again. I want to sort out my emotional insecurities with you and my complexity with you so we can be together. We should do it very soon, because I want to continue our relationship. It's been going on for too long now. I'm ready to commit to you. I miss our contact. I want to talk to you again, I want to ring you again, and I want you to support me. I am willing to future plan. I really want to see you and talk things through for the benefit of us both, for the future. You & I will be my first priority when we plan a meeting and set a date. I want to do it Ned! Please let's talk, plan and work it out so we can be together and have a nice comfortable future.
Lots of love from Alissa."
That is a normal cohesive and inclusive relationship.
Enough has been said. Let's now be more aligned with actualities. I am willing to continue with a relationship that is aligned to a normal relationship that is more inclusive for us both - not a pseudo realism relationship. Can you do that? And can you view the relationship in a similar way as per " Hi Ned, I really want... etc?" If you can't we have a difficulty haven't we?
I want you to think over, and about, the processes in this letter and let's set a goal. The next time you contact me will be more positive and aligned to resurrecting a process of resolution in a similar way like: "Hi Ned. I really want.... etc."
Love from Ned xox
|Copyright Mitch Ezyrider Australia|