|As an adopted person we find ourselves at particular stages of our life asking the question who are we. This could be subtle, lasting only a moment, or it could surface and last longer. This manifests in different ways and for many can cause confusion of thought and wonder why we feel this way. It can become difficult to come up with an answer. Some bury this feeling to cope and intensely involve themselves in life's external activities to avoid this thought and feeling. But, there is a sense of something else, and that something else cannot be reached because we don't understand who the other self is, which is the authentic (biological) self, separate to the nurtured adopted self. The predominant cause of this feeling is the removal of the child from the biological mother.|
|"After many years of trying to understand this feeling I gradually developed a separate identity adjacent to my nurtured identity. I live with a nurtured identity and my developed biological identity. The biological identity became the main Self that I feel. Imagine following the nurtured identity for most of your life, with a feeling there could be something else, and not knowing what, and then developing an authentic Self; where this Self is the feeling of connection with something more profound in your life."|
If you would like to join this Adoption Group in Sydney,
or for any enquiries,
please contact me at the following email address:
|The main aim is for participants to understand themselves through the understanding of others experiences who search for an authentic identity. This will give you the opportunity to tell your story and your feelings. We grow within ourselves with these experiences and with time, enables us to find some peace and contentment we desire in our life.|
|Self has been distorted by living without genetic markers while growing up in non-biological families. Early experiences of the first years of life determine how our brains are wired. Exploring ourselves later in life, for the true Self, opens those closed doors into the unknown. The foundation to make the unknown 'known,' consists of knowledge and awareness of Self - to observe Self from a different perspective. Changes can then be made with the psyche by opening up our Authentic Self. Adoption affects all functioning: biological, psychological, social, and spiritual. It can also be a positive attribute to our life.|
"It is only through acknowledging, understanding, and addressing our pain,
in the presence of others, that we can participate in a life of empowerment
(Nancy Verrier. "Coming Home to Self." p.25)
|Finding your true authentic identity is important for your true fulfillment in life. This group aims to assist with healing and to understand yourself more - to move forward in your life.|
adoptees define themselves as the way they respond behaviourally and
emotionally. However, in many ways this comes from an implicit memory of
separation from the mother, and in most cases does not define who they are
intrinsically or genetically. These early experiences are imprinted as an
implicit memory and creates a fundamental impairment in self-organization.
Left unresolved means living with a type of false identity.
Explicit memory changes over time. Implicit memory does not, and if the
trauma is earlier in life it has a more damaging effect on the brain.
Expressing your feelings and gaining more knowledge, gradually opens up doorways towards the Authentic Self. It is like changing the colour of a glass of water.
|I was born in the era of closed adoptions – the era around the 1950s and 1960s, in England. It was a time where a young single mother didn’t have much of a say in the future development of her child. Parents were either ruthless in directing their child to relinquish their daughter’s child; encouraged to give their child up for adoption; or abortion was another option. Society as a whole judged these mothers and could not accept that a single mother would provide sufficiently for her child. It was also wrong to be this way. The options were simple: abort or adopt.|
|My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 years of age. Her parents were ruthless in their endeavours to give up her child. She was forbidden to have anything to do with the father. My mother breastfed me until 6 weeks old and did not consider adoption. It was a shock to her that her child was taken from her – forever. From this point she was not to know what happened to me. She was to forget it happened and get on with her life. She didn’t. I found out later in life that throughout her life she always wondered what happened to her child and whether he was alright ….. and safe.|
|I was adopted by loving parents who wanted children. It was great joy to them that I entered their life. I was provided with the love and care as a normal (biological) child could expect. I do not remember much of my childhood up to 5 years of age; yet I have photographs reminding me of that time.|
At 5 years of age my parents, with my adopted sister, left on a
6 week journey by boat to Australia.
|During this period of my life my parents moved three times. Eventually settling in the same town we lived in on the coast. At this stage they were unwell. So much so, they moved in with us for two months….and then died within 6 months of each other. Firstly my father and then my mother. They were 68 and 67 years of age. I was 41 years of age.|
|My adoptive parents were always caring and supportive. I did not want to consider adoption during their life, even though throughout my life I knew of my adoption. I had no interest in believing my parents were not my parents. I didn’t want to discuss it, nor that I had another mother. I wanted my parents to be my parents. Years later I found the reason why I did not want to know anything more: I did not want to feel disconnected again. Like I felt when I was taken away from my mother. I had no memory of this event, yet it became a trauma blueprint, an implicit memory of loss and disconnection. My mother's shock was felt by me, and lived within me during my life as an implicit memory. Thus, I felt implicitly I had to avoid this loss. For this reason I was devoted to my parents, as my parents. They had to be my parents. There was no alternative.|
|After my mother died I was devastated. The loss was tremendous. Now I know why. I had lost another mother and the implicit blueprint, the implicit memory had surfaced. It took over my body and soul. I now understand this is how a child feels at 6 weeks of age when they are taken from their mother.|
|During the next few years I endeavoured to cope with life. As this implicit loss was now part of me psychosomatically, the feeling of something more gradually formed within me. My body and soul was saying: “Who are you. What are you. There is something missing in life. What is it?” This energy was searching and reaching for more meaning in life, and, the authentic Self. I had no control over this. The implicit loss, the disconnection, had now surfaced and was affecting my life, and no longer safely locked away. It became the pre-disposition impetus towards a gradual enlightenment of life, and, of my true Self. My glass of water in life was now gradually changing to a colour. For me this colour became orange, because orange is the colour of light between yellow and red.|
|Eventually I reached a stage of life where life had to be different. It had to be, otherwise I would not be able to function. I changed into another person, another identity, externally and internally. I created a name for this other identity who became the main identity of the two identities – the nurtured identity and the natured identity Self. This person I developed is the nature identity and became the strongest person. I began to understand the deepness of what he wanted for life. As I had a deep loyalty to my parents, the only alternative was to have these two lives within one person. I did not want to forget my parents, nor dismiss what they provided for me. They provided me with one life and then I felt another life. I now had a nurtured life and also a nature life. This life became my saviour. I am that person today.|
|This development, or enlightenment, took many years, as I had family responsibilities.They 'knew' me as another person, now I am this person and two people. The hardest job was to integrate both. During this time, and to understand this development more, I read, studied, wrote and went away to experience and feel this new feeling of what I felt. It is not possible to find your-Self without being by your-Self. Many years of conditioning and programming have to be questioned. Many years of feeling a certain way have to be eliminated and a new Self has to emerge: the biological Self. The Self that you lock away to survive; the Self that you couldn’t face because it would have been too traumatic to face; the Self that wasn’t you but you had to live a certain way to survive in that world.|
|And from much “Empirical and Academic Knowledge” I found it!|
|It takes focus and intent to achieve a stabilised Self in these circumstances. One of the important criterias' is to know why you have this emotion, why you feel this way, how your body and brain stores this feeling and information, and affects your life. From here you have a particular control of why. This is called “Observation of Self.” You must become an observer of yourself. By being this observer will gradually change yourself into the person you want to be – because you feel it.|
|This is outside programming and conditioning. They must be questioned and eliminated. Emotion needs to be controlled. Calmness becomes the foundation. Pragmatism through thoughtfulness becomes your eventual saviour – you find Self.|
This is a short story of introduction. It is
possible I will slightly change formatting and wording as time goes by.
It is important to find yourself in your own space, without other influences. And talk to someone about how you feel one on one: a psychologist. The right one for you. And a group of similar people, where you can express how you feel and also listen to others. Each step opens up your suppressed memory and enables you to gradually grow into You - your Authentic Self.
This takes time, but the more you open up what is inside, the more you identify more parts of you that have been unknown, and they become important. This goes deep into your consciousness. Segments over time will surface, and be enlightening. They will be important feelings for you....for you to open up the possibilities of Self.
|"The Pure Level of Self is when We Touch an Energy Field Separate to Societies Influences."|
|* If you have found this story has helped with your Adoption understanding, please consider a donation....with thanks. *|
|Adoption Australia 1950s 1960s Story. The Search for Identity. Dissociative Identity Disorder Personality. Adoption Story from Adoptee.|
|Copyright Mitch Ezyrider Australia|